I honestly think that MOST Caregivers don’t even recognize themselves as Caregivers.
For some, it’s obvious. They live with their Care Recipient. They do the shopping, laundry, meal prep. They help with showers, toileting, dressing. They navigate all of the doctor’s appointments, schedule therapists, oversee medications. They manage the finances, fill out the paperwork, update the rest of the family.
For others, it is more subtle. It may have started with a phone call or three during the week. Stopping by before or after work to check in. Helping to walk the dog, move that box, rake the leaves or shovel the snow. Picking up prescriptions, driving someone to their appointment, taking them to get groceries – eventually doing it for them.
There aren’t always definitive lines between loving our family and friends, helping our family and friends, and becoming part of their Caregiving Team. One seems to just naturally roll into the other until suddenly you realize you are at least partially (if not more) responsible for someone. You’re not just stepping up to help but stepping in to support. There is a difference. There’s more of an expectation, more a sense of a mental weight beyond the physical assistance and time spent.
None of this is wrong. You love your people. You want to help. You are gratified by being needed. But if you aren’t prepared for the phone call about a fall, a stroke, or that first wandering episode, you might wonder how exactly you got to this point and what you should do now that you realize where you are. I think some folks feel that if they call themselves a Caregiver – whether they say it out loud or just think it to themselves, that somehow they are diminishing their loved one. As a result, the role is ignored or kept under the definition of being their child, friend, or spouse. But what is actually diminished is the Caregiver’s sense of self. They have, intentionally or unknowingly, taken that step into increased responsibility and are somehow actively denying the role and their increasing importance in the relationship.
For most role and responsibility changes, people do some research in an effort to learn about what might be coming their way, the challenges to expect, and various ways to navigate through the tough times. Think about it – expecting a child, buying a house, even adopting a new pet – we do some research. But, because of the way Caregiving seems to sneak up on some of us, there isn’t often that same level of preparation. It’s time to change that. It’s time to own the Caregiving title. It’s time to acknowledge the impact Caregiving has on your own life. It’s time to do some of that research.
CareTreks is here to help if you anticipate changes will be coming in the next few months or years, are seeing changes happening now, or are reeling in the aftermath of a change that caught you off guard and don’t know what to do. Planning ahead is always smoothest but that doesn’t mean reaching out when you’re “in the thick of it” wouldn’t be exceptionally beneficial…to everyone involved.